i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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