member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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