Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
