Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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