Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
