I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
