Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
