The maid of honor just puked.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
