Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize