I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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