Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
