i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
