Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
