did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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