Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I need to calm my uterus...
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
