It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
