I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize