Got a toothbrush?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
