just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
