Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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