please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
