I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I will die if light touches me.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
