I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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