it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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