it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize