just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
