Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
