So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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