i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
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