girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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