I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
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