did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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