You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I take back everything I said about communal showers
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
