We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
