if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
