We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
