my sisters under your porch take her home
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
