turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
