Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born

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(513): View more from Ohio

I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors

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(209): View more from California

yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.

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(614): View more from Ohio

I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.

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(813): View more from Florida

I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic

(1-402): View more from Nebraska

i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.

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(336): View more from North Carolina

just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...

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(505): View more from New Mexico

pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Just trying to show you I care.

(508): View more from Massachusetts

Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"

(617): View more from Massachusetts

Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.

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