Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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