So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
