Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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