A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
