Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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