Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
