Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
This house was built for laser tag.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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