I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
