he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
