So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
