It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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