is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize