my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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