it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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