got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize