I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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