Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
