Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
