glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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