The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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