i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
She has the best kind of daddy issues
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
