Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Randomize
