I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
pop tarts are not kleenex
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
