you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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