if i can run in heels then i can drive
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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