Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
