y did u give ur computer a hand job?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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