Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
