garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
