I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
