this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
