i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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