SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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