I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
