You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
