He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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